Waste

Never mess with the children of witches. Sons especially. I'm just glad that Nell's used to the weird crap that happens to me.

I knocked on our apartment door in the early afternoon.

"It's Lydia!" I yelled.

There was silence, and then Nell opened the door, a bat clutched in her hand. She looked very suspicious and pissed, but when she saw me, her jaw dropped.

"L-Lydia?!" she stammered, gaping at me.

"Yes," I growled, folding my arms.

"What...HAPPENED!?" she cried, eyeing me with a mixed look of shock and amusement. "You're a skinny white guy!"

"I know," I snarled. "Just let me in."

I stomped past her and inside the apartment. Nell shut the door and came over to look at me, grinning.

"This is too funny," she laughed. "What happened?"

"Well--" I began.

"AND you're wearing a skirt!" she shrieked gleefully, bursting into laughter. "I wish I could've seen the looks on people's faces!"

I sulked as she laughed at me, tears making her eyeliner trivkle down her cheeks. Being mistaken for a transvestite isn't funny. Having a gender-change spell cast on you is even less funny.

I waited until she had calmed down a bit. Giggling and wiping the tears away (smearing her eyeliner even more), she walked over to the phone, saying, "Ryan's got to see this."

She dialed his number, and I heard her say, "You've got to come and see what's happened to Lydia."

Still giggling, she hung up. I sat sullenly, not wanting to be amusement for my roommate and her boyfriend. So I was a skinny white guy in girl's clothing. What was funny about that?

There was a knock at the door, and Nell rushed to open it. Ryan was standing in the doorway with layers of black clothing that covered his body completely, a pink parasol clutched in his hand. I giggled when I saw the parasol, and he started.

"Who is THAT?!" he demanded of Nell. "Are you cheating on me!?"

"No, no," Nell laughed. "It's Lydia."

Ryan looked from Nell to me, and then back to Nell.

"I'm dead, not stupid," he said angrily.

"I'm not kidding!" Nell insisted.

"Listen," he said in a lower voice, moving closer to Nell, "If you like him because he dresses in girl clothes, I'll do that, too."

Nell and I laughed so hard that she fell against Ryan and I fell off my chair.

"It's really Lydia!" Nell exclaimed after recovering. "Something happened to her to make her a guy!"

Ryan stalked over to me and gripped me by the chin, peering into my eyes.

"Hm," he said finally. "He has the same eyes."

"It's really me," I said. "I just had a gender-change spell cast on me."

Ryan jumped back about five feet, nearly knocking Nell over.

"Lydia?" he said, bewildered.

I nodded, giving him an odd look.

Ryan pointed at me and started laughing. Nell joined in, and I returned to sulking. 

When most of their laughs and chuckles had subsided, I angrily asked, " Can I explain what happened now?"

"One minute," Nell said, and Ryan pulled her over to the other side of the wall dividing our beds. I went over to eavesdrop.

"...skirt!" I heard Ryan say, and he and Nell both choked into smothered laughs.

I sighed and went back to my chair.

They returned to the room I was in a few moments later, looking composed but a bit flushed.

"I believe you were going to tell us how this happened to you?" Ryan prompted, looking amused.

"You remember those punks I told you about?" I said to Nell.

She nodded.

"Well...apparently their mother was a witch," I said.

"Duh," she replied. "Any mother who would let their children burn people is a witch."

"The type of witch I'm talking about can cast spells," I said.

"Yeah, I have some friends like that," Nell agreed, nodding. Ryan gave her a funny look.

I gestured at myself. "I mean ACTUAL spells. Spells that can change your gender."

"You know, if you really wanted to change your gender, they have surgery," Ryan said.

"I didn't WANT my gender changed!" I yelled as Nell tried to smother a snicker.

"OK, OK, tell us the whole story," Ryan said, raising his hands protectively.

I glared at the both of them, and then recounted:

"This morning, I was walking around the library because I wanted to get some information about exorcising incubi. (Nell and Ryan exchanged a look, but said nothing.) The 9th floor is usually unaccessible, right? Well, when I got on the elevator, the doors suddenly slammed shut and I was brought up to the 9th floor. The doors opened, and I saw a woman standing in front of a desk. She looked pissed.

As I stepped out, she strode angrily up to me, a newspaper appearing out of nowhere into her hand.

'What have you done to my boys?!' she screamed at me, waving the newspaper in my face.

I wasn't entirely sure what she was talking about until she screamed, 'Why are they impotent?"

I figured she was the mother of the boys. The fact that she had conjured a newspaper out of nowhere suggested she was either a sorceress or a witch. The black suit she wore probably meant witch. I decided to defend myself because some witches are reasonable.

'Your boys lit someone on fire,' I began.

'They did!?' she interrupted me excitedly. 'Marvelous! How did the spell work?'

I glared at her. 'Living beings should not have spells tested on them. It's immoral.'

She scoffed. 'Witches aren't trifled with morals.'

'Then that makes you a candidate for the Worst Mother of All Time Award!' I snapped.

And then she got pissed at me and turned me into a skinny white guy," I finished.

"Why a skinny white guy?" Nell asked.

"I think she wanted to say 'shrivel and die!', but we were screaming at each other so much that I made her fuck up the spell and say 'skinny white guy!'" I explained. "I wish I had shriveled and died instead of having people see me as a guy in a skirt."

"It's not that bad," Nell comforted. "You're a...cute guy."

"But she's a cuter girl," Ryan said, looking at Nell as though wondering why she hadn't noticed.

Nell elbowed him and mouthed, "Be comforting!"

"Don't worry about it," I said, standing up. "I'll find a way out of this form. Let me sleep on it."

I fell asleep during the late afternoon. Ink was surprised by my new form, to say the least.

"Please tell me this is one of your weird dreams that you're a man and not a permanent change," he begged.

"I don't know if it's permanent, but it's not a dream," I said.

He cursed.

"Can you do anything about it?" I asked. "Otherwise you'll have to have sex with a guy for quite some time."

"I'm not having sex with a guy," Ink said flatly.

"Don't be picky," I teased, moving towards him.

He fought off my advances, and his threat of turning his face into a bull's made me stop.

"If you can change your form, why can't you change mine?" I demanded angrily.

"I CAN, but I don't know if the form would carry over to the real world," he said.

"Try it anyway," I said.

A warm ripple went from my head to my feet, and I discovered I had changed back.

"If this DOES carry over to the real world," I said hopefully, "could you give me bigger boobs?"

"Why, so you can smother me?" Ink snorted. "I don't think so."

I thought he would launch right into sex, but he didn't move.

"How did that gender-switch thing happen to you?" he asked.

I told him about the witch, and he turned even whiter.

"This is my fault," he murmured, staring at one of his hands.

Before I could tell him it wasn't, I felt myself being shaken awake.

"Lydia!" Nell cried. "Lydia, wake up!"

I blinked sleepily, and saw Ryan and Nell looking down at me in amazement. Ryan in particular looked amazed.

"You're back to normal!" Nell said in awe.

I looked down and saw it was true. I also saw that I had taken my shirt off before going to sleep. So THAT'S why Ryan had been staring. I shrieked and rolled onto my stomach.

"Glad to see you're okay," Nell said.

I mumbled something that was smothered against my pillow as she and Ryan went back to her side of the room.

"Would you have slept with her when she was a boy?" Nell asked Ryan.

"No!" he said indignantly.

"Yeah right!" Nell said. "All vampires are bi."

"This one ain't," he muttered, and she laughed.

I've been squeezing my boobs for the past fifteen minuted because I'm so happy to have them back, even if they aren't any bigger.  

Current Mood: complacent

I woke up at 6AM, but Ink hadn't returned during the night.

Nell was sitting up in her bed, looking at me strangely over the top of the wall. Two fresh puncture wounds were on her neck.

"You were talking in your sleep," she said flatly. "Something about punishment. It freaked Ryan and me out."

"Not enough to interrupt you two, I see," I commented, pointing at the bite on her neck.

"Well, we carried on, but afterwards, you know, we were freaked out," she said.

"Uh-huh," I smirked.

She asked me what had upset me yesterday, and I told her about the kids who had set the homeless man on fire. She repsonded agreeably.

"You want Ryan and me to pay them a visit?" she asked.

I laughed. "No, Ink's taking care of it."

She looked at me a bit sadly. "Your incubus?"

I wasn't in the mood to argue his existence with her, so I merely nodded.

She sighed, probably thinking I was crazier than ever. "OK. The offer still stands."

Ink came to me when I fell asleep during the afternoon. He was grinning wickedly, an indicator that things had gone well. It was also an indicator of his arousal.

Afterwards, I asked, "Things went well, I gather?"

"Not really," he mumbled against my hair. "I prefer it when you fight me."

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "I was talking about the two boys."

"Oh. Them," he sighed, rolling onto his back next to me. "It's taken care of."

I raised an eyebrow. "What did you do to them?"

He grinned. "Enough."

Nell came into the apartment later that evening holding a newspaper. She dropped it next to me on the bed.

"Look at this," she said, flipping the newspaper open. "Are these the boys you were talking about?"

The article's title read, "Local Youths Struck With Sudden Impotency". The article went on to describe the sudden inexplicable appearance of the disorder. Sure enough, the two pictures provided were of the jerks who burned the homeless man. I smiled, thinking that Ink could be useful for some things.

I rewarded him extra well that night.

Current Mood: content

I was walking Dowtown by some cafes in order to get some fresh air and see a few zombies. I was in one of the more deserted parts of town, where most of the zombies roam. They're mostly harmless, provided you bring a handaxe.

As I passed by an alleyway, I saw two teenage punks laughing at a zombie that had been set on fire. Seeing people making zombies suffer like that enrages me. They're picking on something dumber than themselves, which makes the zombies seem smarter.

Pissed off, I stormed towards the two of them, screaming threats at the top of my lungs. They jumped in surprise and tore off down the alley.

The zombie screamed in agony, and I froze. Zombies never scream. The most they do is groan or moan loudly.

A cart piled high with old blankets, clothes, and belongings stood by a wall of the alley. Good Christ. The fucking kids had lit a homeless person on fire!

I returned home, breezed past Nell without a word, and collapses on my bed. Nell understood that I was not to be messed with and left me alone.

I waited until I heard the door shut behind her as she left for work before crying at the monstrosity of people. 

Ink noticed something was wrong, probably because I didn't fight or moan as much as I usually do.

"What's up?" he asked when we were done.

I sighed heavily. "Some teenage punks lit a homeless man on fire."

Ink shrugged. "So?"

I glared at him. "He was still alive."

Ink and I were silent. A sudden thought came to me.

"Ink, can I ask you a favor?"

He looked at me, trying to guess what I was thinking.

"It depends," he said finally.

"Can...can you hurt those kids somehow?" I asked, then rushed on, "Not enough to kill them, but enough to punish them. They did something absolutely horrible."

Ink looked at me for a while in silence.

"Please?" I begged.

For a few brief seconds he was still. Then he slowly nodded his head.

I gave him brief descriptions of the kids to help him find them in their dreams.

Just before he left, he looked at me and said, "Don't expect me to carry out your wishes every night. This is an extremely rare occasion."

I nodded. "Thanks."

He hesitated, then touched my face and vanished. I hugged my knees and waited for him to return.

Current Mood: enraged

Ryan came last night. Nell came as well, and rather loudly by the sound of it.

I need a new wall.

Current Mood: tired

Incubi SUCK. Trust me. Mine takes great pleasure in being a jerk. He must; why else would he act the way he does?

Because NO ONE else can see incubi (or succubi), Nell thinks I've somehow invented a type of psychic masturbation technique. Or that I have the most erotic wet dreams ever. She's mad because I tell her about my incubus instead of revealing my technique and dreams to her. She doesn't believe me, and I don't blame her. Although I wonder: How can someone who is dating/banging a real vampire not believe in other supernatural phenomenon (other than zombies; no one can deny their existence)? ESPECIALLY when she's seen some of the weird shit that's happened to me first hand? For a goth girl, she's awfully selective.

Anyway, the reason why my incubus is a jerk is because he won't go prove his existence to Nell. I've asked him to go and pay her a visit one night instead of me, but he always refuses. I've told him Nell's theories about why I thrash and moan in my sleep, abd he just laughed until he cried. Demons are so insensitive.

I suppose a description of him is in order. I managed to get stuck with a decent-looking one. I might have permanently turned insomniac if I had gotten a bull-faced one or something. Anyway, my incubus is of a slender build, not quite anorexic, not quite average. He has longish white hair, and hie eye color changes depending on his mood. He's not old, though the white hair may have led you to believe that. He looks to be around twenty-five, which is two years older than me. You can never tell with demons, though. They're more anal about revealing their age than humans are (probably because they've been around for hundreds of years).

When I asked him for his name, he rather hesitantly told me that incubi don't have names. So I just call him Ink.

Another reason why incubi suck is because all incubi are supposed to sleep with as many women as possible. I am monogamous. Therefore, Ink is not my type. True, he only appears in my dreams when I'm asleep, and I can't get STDs or impregnated, but I still don't like the idea of Ink sleeping with other women.

And that's another thing. He claims to sleep with other women, but it seems like he's with me every night. Why can't he stay away longer? I wouldn't mind a night or thirty free from him. There are plenty of women out there.

I myself am rather plain, so I don't know why Ink keeps coming back. I have short black hair, green eyes, and really pale skin. I'm Caucasian and fairly slim. Breasts aren't anything to shout about; I'm barely a B. This is as close to my original appearance as I can get after all the curses and spells that have been put on me. I'm goth, but not as visually apparent as Nell. Dark lipstick and the occasional eyeliner is the only make-up I use. Eye shadow is for special occasions.

On the 15th I complained about being jealous of Nell because she had a love life and I didn't. You amy think that having sex with an incubus every night is a "love life". I assure you it is not. Incubi fade when I wake, so there's really no solid relationship. Nell's vampire boyfriend Ryan is able to be with her in the daytime (albeit in gothic attire with an umbrella). Ink tells me that the only way for him to become solid and lasting is for him to possess someone and take over their body. But then he'd look like the person an not himself, so it wouldn't be the same. Not that I'd want him to gain a body. He's annoying enough as a dream.

Basically, this is just a rant about how I can't even have a proper boyfriend and how ungrateful I am for the creatures that take interest in me. I think I have every right to try and get a real boyfriend! But Ink has threatened to render them impotent and useless in the sack. Talk about possessive.

I woke up this morning with a love bite on my back. Several, in fact. Nell noticed and remarked, "I guess those are from your incubus, huh?"

As I spun around with my mouth hanging open in surprise, she added, "Although psychic masturbation could also be the cause."

"HOW CAN PSYCHIC MASTURBATION BE MORE BELIEVABLE THAN INCUBI??!" I screamed after her as she ran off to work.

Current Mood: angry

My roommate (a Goth girl named Nell) is usually cool, but her late night romps can be very trying. Tonight's romp was actually an involuntary one, although Nell probably didn't mind. 

The wall that divides my bed from hers doesn't go all the way up, and if I sit up on my bed, I can see everything on her side of the room, or everything that...happens.

Tonight I was lying in bed trying to battle my insomnia when I heard the window on her side of her room creak open. Figuring it was one of her stalkery exes, I felt around under my bed for the heavy flashlight.

"Mmmnnnghnnnnnoo..."

Nell's moan gave me pause, but the low chuckle that accompanied it stopped me completely. I slowly sat up and peered over the top of the wall. 

A man in black was bent over her, his mouth fastened to her neck. Nell stirred slightly on the bed, her short red hair visible in the moonlight. I frowned, wondering if interrupting the guy would please or annoy Nell. Past experience had proven that any interruption of neck-sucking annoyed her immensely. Still, someone had to look out for her. Not me, but someone. Ok, ok, I DO look out for her as much as I can. Whatever. 

Deciding that a sullen Nell was better than a dead one (usually), I loudly knocked the flashlight on the wall. The man in black didn't so much as flinch. He stopped sucking, and slowly sat up, staring at me unblinkingly with piercing red eyes.

"D'you mind?" I asked. "People have to work tomorrow, your little blood bag there included."

He blinked. "Blood bag? You mean Nell? She told me to drop by ANYtime."

"And it's wonderful that you've taken her up on that," I agreed. "But she still has to work tomorrow. Normally I'm ok with these things, but when Nell wakes up normally, she's grumpy. When Nell wakes up LATE, she's Satan made flesh."

The man looked intrigued.

"Y'know, whatever," I sighed, waving a hand at him. "Just don't drain too much, ok?"

The man laughed. "Vampires take whatever they want."

I cocked an eyebrow. "Oh, so you think you're a vampire?"

He bared his teeth at me. Fangs. What a surprise. Several of Nell's other...flings had had those as well. Nothing a little tugging wouldn't get rid of.

"C'mere," I said, leaning over the wall and yanking on his teeth. They didn't budge. Whoops. Guess they were real.

He swore very eloquently.

"Er, sorry," I apologized quickly, not wanting to be a corpse just yet. "It's just...her other boyfriends were--"

"Human?" he demanded bitterly. "I used to be human too, until--"

"Yeah, yeah, emo drama, horrible tragedy," I said quickly, rolling my eyes. "I've heard it."

He looked at me strangely.  "Now I see why Nell never mentioned you."

We ended up chatting for a bit. His name was Ryan (a vampire with a NORMAL name? Pigs will fly!) and he and Nell had met at a goth club. He told me a bit about where he roamed, and instructed me to tell Nell that he had dropped by.

I glanced over at the puncture marks on her throat. "I think she'll figure it out on her own."

Ryan chuckled, then smoothly exited through the window.

I shut it after him and returned to my bed, wishing I had a love life as exciting as Nell's. Or any at all.

Current Mood: jealous

Buses are carriers of evil made readily available to the public. All sorts of people/creatures/things ride it, and you never know what to expect. Take yesterday, for example.

I boarded the bus, which was very crowded due to the number of sullen people/creatures/things that wanted to go home/killsomething/do whatever things do. I must have noticed that everyone was avoiding one particular creature, but I didn't realize why until I had passed by it and sat down directly behind it.

I had unwittingly chosen to sit behind a freshly decomposing zombie. It was still clutching some plastic bags which were leaking a yellowish liquid (probably urine).  It had wet, red, gaping sores on its neck and temples. They were slimy and glistening, and I had an urge to stick my finger into one of them. Zombie sores are extremely contagious, though, so I resisted. The worst thing about the zombie was the stench.

I can't even begin to describe the smell. It was dizzying and rank. At first it smelled like piss, only intensified a hundred times. Other horrible smells were there as well; death, sweat, decay...The smell was so bad that I couldn't breathe through my nose. Even breathing through my mouth made me extremely dizzy and sick. The air around the zombie was made more humid and heavy by the stink. People opened all the windows on the bus, but that didn't do a thing. People then began complaining about the smell, and some of the creatures and things joined in. Finally the bus driver pulled over at a bus stop and ordered everyone to get off the bus. The zombie staggered forward, its plastic bags still spewing liquid. Everyone made way for it before dashing off the bus. I went out the back way, gasping in the fresh air.

A fire truck pulled up, and the bus driver conversed with them. The bus driver went back onto the bus and began looking behing evevery seat (probably checking for a dead rat) while the rest of us just stood around mutely like sheep. The bus driver got back off, and the firemen drove off. The bus driver then boarded the bus and left as well. 

We all waited for a while, but I don't like feeling like a sheep, and my house wasn't too far, so I just decided to leave everyone behind and walk home.

Less than half a block away I noticed that police and people in yellow uniforms were talking to nearby people. By the library, I saw the police attempting to talk to the zombie. It waved its plastic bags at the three officers and then staggered off in the opposite direction. It looked at me as it passed by, and I quickened my pace to leave it behind. For a scary moment, I thought it would follow me (Zombies tend to do that), but it just stumbled into Downtown. The officers stood there, watching.

Great. So now Downtown will probably have a new infestation of zombies. The police really need to work on this problem. I know the zomibes used to be human, and sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between homeless people and zombies, but really, there must be SOME way to cut back their numbers.

I can still smell that goddamn smell. It's sickening. 

Current Mood: angry

What can I hope to accomplish when life moves by so quickly? The first breath becomes your last so suddenly.

What a pain life is.

Current Mood: apathetic